I had Beans for Lunch

2006-05-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

Your movie star double is Cate Blanchett

An intellectual like you needs to be played by someone who understands how to be deep without being boring, someone who can grasp complicated subjects and make them seem clear cut, someone like Cate Blanchett. Whether bringing to life Elizabethan stories or playing an undercover WWII courier in Charlotte Gray, Cate has shown the world that being smart can be sexy.

Who's Your Movie Star Double?

Brought to you by Tickle

2006-04-10T18:34:00.000+08:00

Of The Da Vinci Code, The Gospel of Judas, and other heresies

I've read and watched The Da Vinci Code and watched National Geographic's presentation of The Gospel of Judas, and I find nothing changed of my basic faith and belief in Jesus Christ as my one and only Savior. I believe that the apostles are there to help him propagate His message and His teachings. I believe that He will come again and will be reigning humanity, and He is coming sooner than you think.

The topics raised by the popular book, The Da Vinci Code have been around for thousands of years after Jesus' death and ascension to heaven. It is nothing new that he "might" be married to Mary Magdalene, the former repentant prostitute, or that He might have had a child, or that His descendants exists. It is nothing new that apart from the traditional Christian sects existing after His days on Earth, there exists a sect called the Gnostics, who is reported to have an "alternative" view of Christ's earthly existence and His death and resurrection. Whatever archeologists and experts dig up, it is nothing new. These ideas and alternative stories are already here for us waiting to be revealed, dissected and analyzed. Only now it is now longer exclusive to those who study Religion or Archeology or History, it is now being propagated to the masses and to the curious.

The proliferation of alternative information and ideas, I think, should be considered by all Christian churches to be an opportunity, a mixed blessing, because the mass appeal and the fact that it sells reflect a need of the many to know more about Jesus, the greatest Being who ever walked the face of the earth. Two thousand years later, the enigma that is Jesus Christ still continues to be famous and influential, and Christian leaders and priests should take advantage of the current rage to help spread his teachings to those who do not know it by heart. Debate with their flock, instead of dictating what they should or should not believe, patiently explain to them who He is and what miracles He did to those who follow Him. As the saying goes, there is no such thing as bad publicity.

In terms of whether we ought to believe in it or not, I believe that choice is not for us to make. For instance, it is one thing to read current gossip pages or tv about a celebrity that we absolutely adore and see the version of the celebrity in question in another newspaper or tv. You see the words come out of him saying whether the gossip is true or false, and you believe him, and that’s that. In this case, we don’t have Jesus himself explaining what really happened, so we don’t have the luxury of practical discernment, and we don’t have the choice of not believing it either, for not believing in it will make the events impossible, and all Christians profess that with God, nothing in impossible, and anyway, God and Jesus Christ are free to do whatever they want with the world.

So, what are we, poor sinful ordinary flock to do? When we are flocked by things like this that boggle our brains?

We turn to the heart, and then we ask ourselves 2 questions:

1. DOES IT MATTER?

2. WHO IS JESUS CHRIST TO YOU?

When I asked myself those two questions the first time I finished the book, my answers were these:

1. NO. So if these allegations and alternative happened to be true, it doesn't matter. Following Him should be my business, not his personal and private life here on earth.

2. In my times of trouble and self-doubt, He was the one who brought me back up. When I am downtrodden and ill on my luck, He is there to makes things ok. I acknowledge His miracles, big or small, in my life. He is my anchor, my refuge, my strength, my confidant. He will still be these things whether those "alternative" theories are true or not.

2006-04-01T20:16:00.000+08:00

Beware of April Fools' Day (a rant and whine of sorts)

I have been played a fool today. I started the day great but with an upset feeling in my stomach that warns me that something bad would happen, and it did. I had mistaken it as a reaction to my drinking antibiotics for a pus found in my tooth, which soon was given a root canal operation to. Anyway, that sick feeling in my stomach was not because of anything i had ate or drank, but from what will happen upon checking my office email.

I was at home surfing the 'net when I had the sudden compulsion to check my office email, probably a reaction to my gut instinct that something is wrong. True enough, something is wrong with our email. My email and my co-workers' emails are down, and it's all because of an ISP's lack of concern and communcation to us over technical matters. The story goes like this:

I had wanted to terminate our office's dialup account in favor of a dsl connection from another ISP. The dialup ISP also is servicing us for our domain name, which we use for our emails. Upon receiving service from the dsl ISP, I had inquired and inquired on how to properly terminate our dialup account and to make sure that we could still use our email addresses and domain name to the other ISP. There was no response or guide from the dialup ISP on my queries. They did answer my question about when to terminate our account, which is in one month's time. The dsl ISP, on the other hand, reassured us that we could still use our email addresses and that the transistion would be smooth. So it was, until today, April 1. Our dialup account was terminated according to my request after Mar. 31, and the next day, we couldn't receive anymore emails.

So I called tech support. After being put on hold for quite a while, I was talking to someone who explained to me what had happened and what I could have done if I was informed earlier of what he told me in the first place. He told me that I should have emailed and informed them of the change of ISPs so that they could "point" our domain name to the dsl ISP so that when we access our email using our dsl ISP, that ISP would recognize our domain and let our mail in, or something to that effect. It was information that came too late.

The dialup ISP should have taken the time to talk to me and ask me questions about our existing domain name account and could have addressed my questions and concerns on how to be able to use the same email addresses earlier on. They knew my concerns, I have emailed them and faxed them about this in line with the request for termination. They could have explained to me how it is supposed to work. Yet they didn't.

Did they assume that I could have known? I have expressed the need to be able to use the same email address and passwords plainly and simply and to both ISPs. While the dsl ISP did answer me, it was not correct or it could have been correct if the dialup ISP did their part. I do not blame dsl ISP on their answer, but I certainly blame the dialup ISP on this kack of guidance. Maybe they are mad that we would no longer be paying them for their internet services, and in revenge deliberately did not guide us on the proper turnover of our email and domain name? Yet, even with that reason, the dialup ISP has our domain name registration and we still are its clients on that aspect even if we have ceased our dialup accounts already. They should still help us out in that aspect and guided us properly so that no headache and misery would happen.

So this leaves me pissed off as heck and I now have a huge headache to boot. My day went on horribly and I had to contend with my mom who's angry and screaming at me for not being able to receive her work email and not understanding what really happened. All I can do was pass on my anger to the tech support who was patient with my rants and was probably thinking that if someone in their company had done their job right, he shouldn't have to listen to me scream and demand my head off.

Now all I have as backup is a couple of yahoo email addresses in which none of our clients know about, and since everyone else is busy,the task of informing them of our temporary email glitch was passed on to me, and this really, really, really sucks.

addendum: it has been a week now and still no domain name email. at least i'm now talking to the dsl isp to sort things out, and they have been much more helpful in sorting things out, but on weekends, it seems to take so long to follow up on things. am i the only one who works on weekends and on sunday even?

2006-03-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

This is a test entry from picasa...what a nifty software this si! :)

2006-02-25T18:47:00.000+08:00

What kind of country do we have?!?!

I'm probably also one of the many Pinoy bloggers who has chosen to air out opinion of last Friday's events to cyberspace. PGMA has declared a State of National Emergency due to increasing unrest in the country made about by her enemies in the Left and the Right. People seemed to be getting restless, impatient and tired, thus the cause of rallies and protests for her ouster.

Yet I, for one, and dare I say, the rest of the working Pinoy and the Pinoy businessmen and women am tired of the protesting, of the complaining, of all the noise. We just want a stable working environment in which the businesses that we are involved in can grow and prosper. Such noise from dissidents would be bad for business. Here at our factory (we are in the manufacturing business), we were awakening from a brief slumber by a sudden wave of orders from our clients abroad. We were alive once again with work, in fact, we are expanding. Such jubilant news provide new challenges that is much welcome than no business at all. This is a God-given opportunity that we are putting ourselves out on a limb for in the hopes that we would be profitable. We are finally giving employment to those who need it, and we had prayed, that it would be steady.

Yet it may not meant to be. Our greatest aspirations and dreams of going towards a prosperous business year might be put to bust, due to a noisy group of people who think that they are better in governing our country than PGMA or seems to forget how hard it is to be President of this country. I am not her rabid supporter, but I would rather give credit to her working hard (the way i see it), and being a smart leader as well. I would not have a donkey for a president again.

Those who are in government aren't perfect, and not all of them are scums of the earth. Our country's problems are probably just too big for them to solve alone, what more with people left and right taunting them that they are not doing anything enough or correctly?

Our country is damaged from the mistakes of the pasts, a cancer, as someone rightfully said. these are not what PGMA already has caused. Most of these were either left in the backburner by most of our past presidents, or were given attention to but the next president failed to continue. Some would say that PGMA has worsen our situation, but that is another view that is somewhat true. PGMA has no crystal ball in her office and does not claim to be the remedy to our country's ailments. She does not claim to be God or Wonderwoman either. She is just there to do her best. It is also not her fault if she suffers from her husband's ways. Women always bear the brunt of their husband's shenanigans. It is hard to be a president in this day and age, and those who complain think that being president is like a walk in the Malacanang garden. I wonder that if it's their turn to be president, would they be able to solve all of our country's issues immediately and effectively? And if so, can the next president or set of officials carry on what the past has already done for the good of the country?

For reasons that politicians are selfish and egoistic enough, the past president's good habits (if any), are discontinued once a new president takes office. There is a lack of continuity of good practices in our government, what seemed to continue and worsen are our problems. There is no unity in our country, everyone seems to think that they are better in governing the country than the next person, a typical crab mentality that has been haunting us ever since our little, scattered archipelago that we call home was formed.

What we should do is just take a page out of JFK's quote "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what we can do for your country"; we shouldn't depend too much on the government to make miracles. In our small way, we could make this country better. Another quote from a movie says it best: "We cannot change the world, but we could make a dent." Little things, such as obeying traffic rules and not peeing at the walls would make a big difference. Contributing to our country by being good, hard working, honest law abiding citizens would help our country make that much needed step into the future.

But the biggest thing that I believe we need to get rid of is our crab mentality. This should not continue anymore because it is self-destructive and regressive to our country as a whole. This is the root of all evil and the whole of mankind has it, but it seems that we Filipinos have it the most.

Come to think of it, we're the ones causing our own set of problems.

2006-02-09T01:49:00.000+08:00

If ever cyborgism is in the near future, I want to have some sort of chip i can put into my head so that if i have the urge to write or have any noteworthy thoughts it could just save it as a word file and just take out of my head to synch it to my pc. If I have the time, I could tweak and edit words out and if satisfied with my final thoughts, I'd blog it in.

Writing has become impossible lately, either i'm in the car, doing my rounds at work, or just plain tired to write. Every thought goes wasted when it is unwritten and unfinished. Despite my age, forgetting what I am supposed to write has become more frequent. Go figure.

Like today, I am supposed to finish this blog that I had started writing on my cell phone a couple of weeks earlier, but alas, the momentum has disappeared and right now my mind is into finishing updating my antivirus software that keeps stopping itself from updating because my internet connection is freakingly slow.

Down with dial up!!!!

2006-01-16T17:00:00.000+08:00

Never completely changed

In the spirit of the new year, I am writing about change. I thrive on change in most aspects. I like to see constant improvement on my surroundings, yet I there are things that I want unchanged. As a person, I am open for a change in outlook in life, a change in personality, and in temperament. I often get frustrated over myself when I realize that I have not totally changed the things I ought to change.

Since last year, I've embarked on trying to transform myself little by little. I've lost some weight, minimized my tendency to whine over small things, tried curbing my tendency to be crabby and moody at select days of the month, and gotten over having high expectations on the people I love.

Yet not all of these things I have managed to really overcome, and that's still the icing on the cake. There are overwhelmingly LOTS of other things I need to change, truly not because I want to be perfect, but I certainly want to be LESS flawed in my own eyes and in others' eyes as well.

Since we are on the topic of flaws, I often find myself reflecting on the two kinds of people; one sees only flaws in him/herself and the other who sees only the flaws of others and not of herself. It can be found in scripture that we ought to see our own flaws before the flaws of others, and in modern philosophy, we are encouraged to aim for our highest potential inside ourselves.

How about physical flaws?

As far as physical flaws are concerned, aren't we often self critical? Do we accept what we see or do we blame the mirror?

A store in Powerplant Mall, Rockwell has in one of it's fitting rooms the most flattering mirror I've ever put myself in front of. I dubbed the mirror the Mirror of Erised, after the same mirror in Harry Potter. It only reflects what a woman would want to see in her figure, her deepest desires when it comes to the perfect body. I saw myself, more beautiful and sexy than I would probably be in a million years. I wanted to bring it home, though the better part of me knew better than to indulge in looking at an image that might not be true. Mirrors, after all, are never true to the one in front of it, and no one mirror can be deemed as the "true" mirror.

Is it the same when it comes to flaws not of the physical kind? Are we the kind of person who merely accepts company of those who only see the good in us and nothing more, or do we also accept people who sees also the not-so-good traits that we have and points it out to us?

It boils down this, as it may be too much of a cliche that it has been made into a song; "Learning to love oneself is the greatest love of all". It also is into a prayer, "Grant me to see the things I can change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Regardless of what kind of crowd we keep, it is important that we see it in ourselves that we are always in the process of constant change, of taking that step forward and not be a prisoner of one's limits, one's past, one's present. It is in going forward that we are closer to our highest potential.

2005-12-28T01:04:00.000+08:00

Young Adults Admire Boomers - Sometimes

By MARTHA IRVINE, AP National Writer Sun Dec 11,12:18 PM ET

CHICAGO - Abby Lovett's friends would die laughing if they heard her. Here she is in her office at a Chicago ad agency, the place she spends many a night and weekend, loudly proclaiming that her generation needs to work less than their baby boomer parents have.

Sure, she's putting in more than 50 hours a week to establish her career. But in her heart of hearts, Lovett knows she'll end up miserable if she doesn't eventually find a little balance.

Forget the three-car garage and all the trappings those high-flying boomers hold so dear.

To her and many other young adults, "having it all" is fast becoming a myth, not the mantra it was for boomers who left behind their protest signs and tie-dye to climb the corporate ladder. And now, she says, many boomer parents are pressuring their kids to achieve even more.

"No one is happy. Everyone is overworked, over-stressed. No one's spending the kind of time that they want with their kids or their spouses or partners. And I think part of that can be attributed to the boomers," says Lovett, who's 27. "I wish they would've paid more attention to our lifestyles.

"I feel like it's tougher now because of that."

You could call it "boomer backlash," or just high anxiety. But as the first of the baby boomers approach age 60 next year, it's one of many ways that young adults are feeling conflicted about their graying elders.

They both love boomers — and love to hate them. They see a talented, successful and outspoken generation that also can be hopelessly dismissive and self-absorbed.

They are awed and sometimes intimidated by baby boomers' accomplishments and a generation so larger-than-life that some of its most famous members are known by only one name — Madonna, Oprah, Bono — or nicknames such as "W" and "The Donald."

But at times, they also see boomers as a bunch of hypocrites who were challenged to "ask what you can do for your country" and ended up focusing on what was in it for them.

"There's a disconnect between the younger generation and anyone over 45 or so," says Steve Rubens, a 29-year-old businessman from Palo Alto, Calif. "Something happened; I don't know when.

"But they don't really listen as much as they think they do. They just go with their agenda."

It's an agenda that leaves him and other young adults — members of generations known as X and Y — wondering what will be left for them, especially as the cost of living rises, national debt increases, and as the huge population of aging boomers begins to devour Social Security

"A lot of people are disappointed with big corporate America and just how ineffective it is and the fact that the decision-makers — a lot of them are baby boomers who can't even get you a raise that's going to match inflation these days," says Geoff Persell, a 26-year-old construction manager in Tampa, Fla.

He and others his age are ready to revamp the system, to create a new workplace that embraces both flexible hours and new technology — improving efficiency and giving workers more time for life off the job.

That restlessness isn't limited to the corporate world.

Young adults also are ready to wrestle away their piece of the pie from boomer politicians, from "helicopter parents" who hover over their adult kids, and even from aging rockers who have yet to give up the stage.

The question is: will boomers let them — and recognize they can't rule forever?

"I feel like that whole generation is coming into that space where you'd think that they would be getting ready to give up. But it doesn't feel that way at all," says Marcos Najera, a 33-year-old former teacher in Phoenix who now works as station manager and host for the city's youth and education cable television network.

He wishes more boomers were willing to be mentors — to collaborate and inspire a group of young adults that he worries have become apathetic, partly because they feel powerless. Others, he says, have simply gotten used to boomers speaking for them.

"They have no idea that they've left us in their dust," says Najera, who's also an actor, playwright and director in his off hours. "So we're either going to have to run and catch up and poke them on the shoulder and say, 'Hey, you guys, don't forget us!' or it's not going to happen."

Boomers' life experience, he says, is invaluable. They were at the forefront of the women's and civil rights movements. They questioned authority, and produced art and music about their protests.

It's a legacy that can be difficult to live up to — and one that has left some unwilling to try.

"We can change the world, rearrange the world," Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young sang to young boomers, who came of age amid passionate Vietnam war protests, free love and more casual drug use.

Najera and other Gen Xers, meanwhile, grew up in the final chill of the Cold War, witnessed the start of the AIDS epidemic and were told to "just say no" to drugs.

Skeptical of boomer idealism, they were pegged as "slackers," and represented by darker icons such as suicidal rocker Kurt Cobain, who declared bleakly: "Here we are now, entertain us. / I feel stupid, and contagious."

Now some young adults are embracing a more conservative political agenda as a direct reaction to the boomers' more raucous youthful legacy.

"We've had a large undermining of our traditional values in this country. And I think that was a repercussion of the hippies in the '60s and their 'anything goes' attitude," says Patrick McHenry, a North Carolina Republican who, at age 30, is the youngest member of Congress. "Our generation has a realistic approach. We're not sort of pie-in-the-sky people."

Others admire the young boomers' daring — but wonder what happened to it.

"Now it's like 'Women shouldn't have the right to choose' and 'Gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.' Where did all that freedom of individuality and freedom of expression go? Now that they're older, we can't have that?" asks Elizabeth King, a 26-year-old graduate student at Northwestern University.

She says many boomers who've achieved material success have just become fixated on helping their children do the same.

"I definitely think they want you to achieve and they're not going to put up — like my parents would not put up with nonsense like with being lazy, with not trying hard enough, with second best," King says. "That's not OK."

Many other young adults also talk about feeling that pressure to achieve and wish boomers would lighten up.

"I think baby boomers have this fear that if we don't take the traditional steps, we're going to mess up," says Jessica Coen, the 25-year-old coeditor of Gawker.com, a media and pop culture blog, based in Manhattan. After graduation from college, she worked in a Hollywood studio, taught school in a tough Los Angeles neighborhood and then, rather than going to Columbia University for graduate school, became a blogger.

At first, it wasn't a popular decision with parents, with whom she is very close. But her success has shown them and other boomers that there could just be a new way to do things.

Coen is among young adults who also want to forge a new take on family life — and how material success fits into it.

"Obviously, I someday want to raise a family and do those traditionally important things," she says. "But also I don't have some image in my head that it's going to be this perfect, green-mowed lawn — because that doesn't work. And we've seen that it doesn't work. You can have it all on the outside, but that doesn't mean your family is going to be healthy or happy."

For her part, Lovett, in Chicago, competed in a triathlon this past summer and has taken up oil painting — steps aimed at achieving that balance she's looking for.

It's something she learned, in part, by watching her boomer father, who worked 14-hour days much of his life only to collapse from a stroke in a board room at age 50.

He survived. "But suddenly, it turned our lives upside down," says Lovett, whose parents still live in Denver where she grew up. "Sure, they moved into a smaller house, and they're probably not having the same middle adulthood that they thought they would.

"But they're together and they're alive and they're now enjoying the things that are the essential life qualities," including the pending arrival of their first grandchild.

Lovett, too, plans to put a new spin on the notion of having it all.

"It's a different sort of investment," she says. "It may cost me a lot of money. But ultimately, when I'm 80 years old, hopefully I'll have some kids coming to play shuffleboard with me, you know?

"And a bigger retirement account I don't think can replace that."

___

EDITOR'S NOTE — Martha Irvine is a national writer specializing in coverage of people in their 20s and younger. She can be reached at mirvine(at)ap.org

2005-12-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

ticked off on christmas day...

christmas is a day of giving.

at christmas, you usually expect to give to lots of people you know, those people also expect something from you, so you get ready for it, your stress levels go high thinking what gift to give to whom. you go to the bank to get some money to give to the kids after they do their dance number, and coins are thrown at the pool for them to dive and retrieve.

and at christmas, you also get the usual riffraff (bums, able-bodied, healthy people, and men in uniform) boldly ringing your doorbell to ask for a pamasko (something like a christmas charity). these people don't sing carols, dance or make some sort of pity speech. they just stand there and ask for money as if we have a money tree growing nonstop in our garden. this would go on for the rest of the day, or perhaps til the next day.

such is the mentality of a third world masa,who thinks that the rich are there to unconditionally give their hard earned cash to people who they don't know and who doesn't seem to be in any sort of trouble. these people, i feel, don't know how pathetic they are when they do that in front of their children. what goes into their head to do this?

the people to blame, as usual, are the trapos who pollute these people to think that they could ask for anything from the rich. the trapos spoil them by giving them gifts, bribing them, brainwashing them to think that every rich human being is a charitable institution worthy of exploiting.

the result? annoying people who ring your doorbell and go into your house without your permission, begging to be spoiled. and their victim? decent human beings who couldv'e seen that christmas is all about giving to the needy, and by just being nice. Instead, these victims now sees christmas as a time to hide from people and brood like scrooge.

men in uniform, meanwhile, are much more abominable and i don't have room to understand why they do this. they are in the service of the people, and such service are free, which ideally should make their profession noble and honorable. when they go about thinking of accepting bribes and putting a price into their services (if you don't donate, we won't patrol your street anymore at night, and we would let addicts loose in your block), they are reduced to the kind of people we need great protection from, resulting in the tarnishing of a great and noble profession. we start to fear their presence and feel insecure, which is not what we want to feel every christmas.

i hope such yuletide annoyances would be a thing of the past as we grow mature as a people. shall i hope and pray for the best that our country can teach people to be self sufficient, or huddle in fear each time a policeman pass by? would we have enough time to change before we are judged on THE DAY?

2005-12-25T19:14:00.000+08:00

lo and behold, my posts from my blog in friendster.com....

harry potter: a thesis

nov. 25, 2005

My friend and I went to see Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire last week at Greenbelt, something I had looked forward to since last year. We are both Potterheads, though I don't know who's more of a Potterhead. The series, with its theme of Witchcraft, Sorcery, folklore and other magical lore has gained a fascination among children and adults. The story is a basic good versus evil, hero and villain, lined with prophecies that is comparable to the prophecies made in The Matrix, Star Wars, etc.

The success of the series is largely because of the author, J.K Rowling's plot and character development, not because of its Magical and folkloric themes, as some religious right wing anti Potter zealot would claim, it's in how inventive Jo is in injecting moral values in her plots, her "magical" ability to weave a story. Her characters are well thought of and jelled well into the series' twists and turns. Reading Harry and friends' experiences in growing up and discovering themselves makes one feel like a parent watching his/her kids grow (at least that's how i see them).

This feeling is carried over to film, though as a reader, I felt there were lots of things left out. I won't delve into those opinions because with all things considered, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, especially the way they had visualized the ending. Who knew the Ralph Fiennes could look so evil and snakelike? It was really scary.

As I write this post, I felt compelled to write a summary, a book report, if you will. I am first and foremost, after all, a book geek. Give a book a wonderful director and equally wonderful actors and writers to give life to the pages, and I become a movie geek.

So here goes, my understanding of the books and movies.

The first two books and movies had simpler storylines, much easier to digest, yet it provides a good impact on values. On the first movie, bravery was the theme and ion the books, the quote "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." (The Sorcerer's Stone, page 306) stands out. The second book and its movie adaptation tackled the meaning and importance of choices, and the quote "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (The Chamber of Secrets, page 333) excellently points that out.

Books and movies three and four had deeper plots, the storyline is no longer exclusive for children,gonists growing up and dealing with their and both shows excellently and seamlessly the three prota own emotions. Evil becomes more and more difficult to grapple and understand. Harry comes to grips with his parents deaths and the quote "I don't reckon my dad would've wanted them to become killers—just for you" (Prisoner of Azkaban, page 376), his increasing sense of fairness and integrity shone. Goblet of Fire was the start of what seems to be a series of self-definition, and a showcased more of his courage. Goblet of Fire also introduces to readers the quote (my most favorite in the series) "Remember Cedric. Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort. Remember Cedric Diggory." (page 724) that grapples to the age-long definition of right and wrong and how heroes have suffered in order to defy evil and stay on the path of goodness.

Book five, The Order of the Phoenix, meanwhile, showed him in a rebellious light, but that was because nobody wanted him to be so much involved with danger. This protectiveness was lifted when Harry managed to prove himself worthy of fighting the evil Lord Voldermort among adults in hi world. This is also due to a prophecy that makes him directly involved in Voldermort's downfall. By book six, Ms. Rowling has managed to give Harry and his friends defining values that cemented their role in Harry's life. Harry has defined himself as a person as the books progressed, preparing himself to deal with Voldermort on his own and fullfil the prophecy.

Throughout the books, Jo has consistently weaved in values such as sacrifice and made center issues like parental love, loyalty, friendship, understanding, unwavering trust and faith in the unknown and mixes them all in a fascinating plot to make for a highly palatable book for young and old alike. Nevermind the magical connotations and her constant references to mythology, these after all are part of our past, an unenlightened past, true, but nonetheless something we could put into stories once in a while.

I expect to see more defining moments for Harry and the gang, more thought-provoking topics as plots and as usual, more of J.K. Rowling's creativity. Oh, to be able to write books like her!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hymne a L'Amour

November 15, 2005

this song somehow makes me cry each time i hear it...josh groban did a wonderful version of this song originally sung by edith piaf (almost typed pilaf as in rice pilaf..lol)

Hymne a l'Amour

Lyrics by Edith Gassion, Marguerite Monnot, and Geoffrey Parsons

Le ciel bleu sur nous peut s'effrondrer
Et la terre peut bien s'ecrouler
Peu m'importe si tu m'aimes
Je me fous du monde entier
Tant que l'amour inondera mes matins
Tant que mon corps fremira sous tes mains
Peu m'importent les problemes
Mon amour, puisque tu m'aimes

J'irais jusqu'au boutdu monde
Je me ferias teindre en blonde
Si tu me le demandais...
J'irais decrocher la lune
J'irais voler la fortune
Si tu me le demandais...
Je renierais ma patrie
Je renierais me amis
Si tu me le demandais...
On peut bien rire de moi
Je ferias n'importe quoi
Si tu me le demandais...
Si un jour la vie t'arrache a moi
Peu m'importe, si tu m'aimes
Car moi je mourrai aussi
Nous aurous pour nous l'eternite
Dans le bleu de toute l'immensite
Dans le ciel, plus de problemes
Mon amour, crois-tu qu'on s'aime?
...Dieu reunit ceux qui s'aiment!

in english.....

The blue sky can collapse in on itself
And the earth can cave in
Little matters to me if you love me
I couldn't care less about the whole world

As long as love will flood my mornings
As long as my body will quiver beneath your hands
The problems matter so little to me
My love, because you love me

I would go to the ends of the earth
I would dye my hair blonde
If you asked me to
I would pull down the moon
I would steal fortune
If you asked me to
I would disavow my homeland
I would disavow my friends
If you asked me to
One could well laugh at me
I would do anything
I would do anything
If you asked me to

If one day life tears you away from me
If you die and go far from me
Little matters to me if you love me
Because I will die too
We would have eternity for ourselves
In the blue of all the immensity
In heaven, no more problems
My love, do you believe that we love each other?

God reunites those who love each other

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

on nothing

nov. 11, 2005

there's nothing much to write today, but i decided to keep the new post window up anyway in case inspiration hits me. yet inspiration is such an elusive thing. being at the office doesn't help either. drinking a can of pepsi max doesn't help either. argh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

pooped

oct. 27, 2005

so here i am writng this blog, pooped and doggone tired...and the week hasn't ended yet. i think of having a nice, long vacation with my friends as taking a vacation with my family is not a good idea because we'll end up eventually talking about work.

the thing with working with your parents and your sister is that sometimes you just plain get tired of spending time with them. don't get me wrong, i love my family (even if they don't see it), but there are times that i do get enough of their faces so much so that upon going home i lock myself up in my room and stare at the computer trying to ruin my sims' lives, or watch another installment of desperate housewives on dvd. if that doesn't work, i go up to my dogs (two askals), set them free and play with them, that is, if i'm home early. most of the time i'm at the factory late til 10pm, or even overnight, depending on how fast we need to get things done.

right now i have this chance to post and it's about how tired i am. no interesting tidbits, no a-ha moments. just a draining feeling of tiredness and a temptation to just get away from it all.

and i'm still here at work, working.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

poems resurrected...

aug. 20, 2005

once upon a time, i write. i had a website. i knew html, making images, and doing framesets.

now, i just blog.

for nostalgia, and posterity, i've compiled a bunch of poems i've managed to write. it's no emily dickinson or robert frost, but it's something i made and i cherish those days when i could just write.

------------------------------------------------------------------

UNTITLED #1

By: Ismelina Cafuir

One look from you and I think,
"Do I deserve a friend like you?"
Someone so cheery, confident and cool.
Someone who makes me so glad.

Here I am so dowdy and quiet,
yet also zealous and candid,
and all because of you,
my endless facets shine like a beacon in the dark,
you seem to take them all out,
for the world to see, applaud and admire
the wonderful soul that is in me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

UNTITLED#2
By: Ismelina Cafuir

'Twas late in the afternoon,
three days 'fore my debut,
I thought and I felt,
a deep melancholy.

And yet I could not stop,
thoughts seem to flow inside my mind,
I try to catch it but it flee like the wind,
being blown away from my reach.

I think of dreams only I could see,
I speak of words only I could hear.
How I wish I could be heard in the world!
Oh how I wish my dreams would come true!

Then the tears came in like torrents of rain.
Why do I always feel this pain?
Why must I dream of grand things to gain,
wonderful things to share,
just for all of them to come toppling down
or never be heard of again?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled # 3
By: Ismelina Cafuir

I am the child of the moon,
my moods are shifted by the tides
to feel
happiness,
sadness
bitterness
and love.

My passion shines like the sun's rays,
my zest radiates all over the horizon
for others to feel
happiness,
wellnesss,
and love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Utopian Fantasy

In walking by the sea of strangers,
I see a halo up on their heads.
They walk up to me with a smile on their face,
slip past me with finesse and grace.

I breathe the air,
so crisp and clean.
I look up above,
I see birds and clouds and the sun so bright.

I see the green grass,
with children rolling down on it.
I see this a fantasy,
a very utopian dream.

----------------------------------------------------------
Being

I want to love with all my being,
yet I cannot, not just yet.
I have not learned to love myself with all my heart.

Only when I have learned to be whole,
will I be able to love whole.
My jar is only half-ful of self-love,
my being wanting so much more.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The Easter Poem

By: Ismelina Cafuir

Doubt lingers on my heart,
confusion surrounds me,
tears start to fall.

I stare at the crucifix,
long and hard.
Through my tear-streaked eyes
I questioned God.

Why must it be,
this I asked.
Why give a cross I cannot bear?

I leave the chapel,
far more confused.
I face me battle with a determined chin,
I hardened my heart and donned my armor.

I give the exterior of nonchalance,
the devil may care, this I said.
But this is all a facade.

My haphazard style masks the uncertainities
that is buried deep in my heart.
The devil-may-care attitude masks the fact that
I am seeking solace.

I sought answers to my endless stream of questions,
yet never finding them, I sought farther.
It leads me to a dream.

In my dream I was standing in front of the crucifix,
I blurted my doubts, my fears,
I screamed my frustrations,
I complained of the heavy burden I bear.

All of a sudden,
I see the figure on the crucifix move,
and I saw myself in the man's eyes.

I see in his eyes that he understands,
despite of the cross he also bears,
he'll help me carry mine too.
He will lead me towards the light.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Great Expectations
By: Ismelina Cafuir

I often find self esteem so elusive,
in a world full of expectations.
Not everybody like you for who you are,
and you are always judged for who you are.

Always in search of perfection,
if you are a size 2 you can have their affection.
But if you cannot fit into a size 2,
they treat you like someone with an affliction.

This is how the world turns,
as sad as it is we all must comform.
We all must look out best and perform,
to look good to become a part of the world.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
HATE
By: Ismelina Cafuir

I would never look at you in the eye anymore.
Now would I be able to face anyone with my chin up.
My zest is drained, and my pride is gone,
replaced by the feeling of guilt for your apathy.

My spirits low, I wandered through the halls,
I masked my misery with feelings of indifference.
Nothing I do seemed right, perfect or cool enough for your
approval, what's my day without you mocking, humiliating me?

Tell me, is it right for me to feel this way?
Your hate for me is not my fault, but why does it seem so?
Why do I feel so damned just for being myself?
Tell me why you hate me so,
why choose to give your abhorrence to me?

Hate is a queer thing, this I know.
It drives me crazy that I am hated.
It is a painful reminder of what I desire to be,
but...cannot be
PERFECT.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love's Vow

By: Ismelina Cafuir

I've made a vow to hold on,
I promised myself to persevere,
to what we've got,
in the hope of getting more in the future.

Our hearts may be intertwined, but we are apart,
we have plenty of crosses to bear,
and nails on our hands,
in pain, we all shout for release.

I prayed to the lord to give me the patience to hold on
to the love i've learned to be familiar to.
I prayed to the lord to give me the strength to bear
the times that you're away, gone to somewhere else.

But the lord has not given me those strengths yet,
and i am forced to be on my own,
To miss what you do to me,
to desire the sweetness of your presence.

For no matter how painful it is whenever you're gone,
I still love you so.
No matter how rare our moments alone may seem to be,
I still care for you so.

You are ingrained deep in my heart,
I'll never forget you.
For you are my first,
and i hope that you will be my last.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mother's Poem
By: Ismelina Cafuir

You are my greatest pride and joy,
born out of my womb,
You came out of your watery world
and into the noisy cruel world to bring me happiness.

You are me and your father's work of love,
put together by our passion and dreams,
You will live our dreams with the same passion and drive
that we have put out to have you into the world.

You are my child,
you will be the epitome of my dreams.
I will mold you to be the extension of me,
raise you like you are my own.

You will have your father's sense of justice,
and you will have my gentleness and character.
You will fight for what is right,
and follow our footsteps.

My dear child,
when the time comes you'll cease to be not just my child,
but a child of the world,
an individual that i cannot own.

The world owns you, not us.
we brought you here but the world owns you,
Yet we care for you as if you were our own,
for we know in the end you'll be what the world expects you to be.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No Space

I have no space for anger,
it would only stifle my soul's growth.
Nor do I have time for hatred,
it will just make my life less worthwhile to live.

I have no time for sadness,
although it looms on me once in a while.
I take it and spit it out as soon as I can,
for it will only consume me whole.

I have no time for jealousy,
it will just make me want some more of what I cannot have.
I make sure discontentment is not a part of my spirit,
so that my spirit won't have reason to roam.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PAIN
By:Ismelina Cafuir

All the world has is pain.
From the first breath to the last.
Why does pain have to be?
When I see the sun, moon and the stars,
how I long to be like them,
so grand,
so intense in beauty.

Can't I be like them?

As I walk down in this world,
as I see all the earthly possesions I want to hold,
I want to keep.
I ask; why do I have to suffer just to get a part of it?

A mere taste of it?

Why would it go?

Why can't it stay?

Why must it always be this way?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unrequited Love
By: Ismelina Cafuir

Is love enough to a person like you?
One that transcends all the beauty in this world,
One that is more than life itself to me.

I would move the skies for you,
But would you move them for me?
Though I love you more than I could ever say,
Question is: Do you love me the way I love you?

Matters like this are usually left unanswered.
Usually actions take care of them.
Yet your sweetness eludes me when you give it to someone else.

Should I be jealous for your affection?

Knowing that it would never be mine to take?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WINDS OF FATE
By: Ismelina Cafuir

I usually find it hard to accept
why things would have to be this way.
I used to long for another day
and hope this would all go away.

Yet things are not what you wanted to be,
and that's the horrible truth,
fate leads you all the way,
leads you to where you cannot say.
And when you would like to stay,
fate would steer you the other way.
Sometimes against your will you go with the flow,
to wherever the winds of fate may blow.

The winds of fate blow you to where you are,
follow it and go along if you dare.
For in the end you can also choose
in the winds of fate nothing and everything you can lose.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
no other

there's no other who my heart seeks,
my heart still beats for him.
there's no other who my lips shall kiss,
my lips will continue to long for his kisses.

there's no other who my hands reach out for,
my hands would always want to hold his hands.
there's no other who my eyes want to see,
my eyes will continue to search for his familiar gaze.

there's no other who completes me,
my happiness will never be complete without him.
there's no other way for me to say,
how much i love him and want him by my side.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ebbing Pain

now this pain has started to ebb
and wash away over time.
i can no longer feel heartbreak
over losing you,
the one i first truly loved.

now this eyes would no longer
feel misty and moist for crying.
my nose would no longer be runny for sniffing
out my grief over losing you,
the one i first truly loved.

now this heart of mine
does not miss you anymore.
it only sighs in melancholy of what has passed,
and of what it could be had you stayed on,
the one who would have been my first and last

--------------------------------------------------------------

false halo

i thought i met an angel so sweet and kind,
never did i know that this angel would turn my life upside down.
for he wore an halo so bright over his head,
and spoke of sweet prose and recited poetry from his soft lips.

he wore a smile so disarmingly sweet,
and i thought no wrong would come from this guy.
i considered him as my demi-god,
my prince and hercules all rolled into one.

i thought i met someone who befitted into my life like a shoe,
but like the stroke of midnight his true colors came uninvited.
never have i seen a man so evil in his ways,
never have i thought that my angel would turn into lucifer's son.

in a flash i saw his false halo fade,
as he makes his way into my heart by lying to my closest friends.
he tore my family apart with his nefarious ways,
and almost led me away from my God.

now i lie in bed feeling like a fool,
thinking of him and how he had me fooled still drives me to tears.
never would i be fooled by someone like him again,
for it would be long before i learn to love the same way again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
girl on the mirror

girl on the mirror looking at herself,
she thinks she's ugly,
she thinks she's fat,
but the girl on the mirror looks just fine.

girl on the mirror looking at herself,
she thinks she's got too much eyebrows,
she thinks she's got too much eyebags,
but the girl on the mirror looks just fine.

girl on the mirror feeling sorry for herself,
she thinks doesn't look good enough in skimpy clothes,
and that her bulges seem to be everywhere,
but the girl in the mirror looked just fine.

girl on the mirror looking at herself,
two months later looking like a ghost,
looking like a matchstick donned in clothes,
but the girl on the mirror smiled and was satisfied.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
oodbye to sunset

we bade goodbye to the sunset,
never knowing the future
little did we know that as we bade goodbye
we will never see each other again.

the dawn evades us the next day
and brought forth rain.
we were cheated of our desire for light
and beckoned in the age of darkness.

how long must we succumb to the darkness?
must we prolong our suffering?
all these time we longed for salvation in each other's arms,
not knowing our light is on another path

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
moonlight memories

my nights are lonely as i think of you,
dreaming of the times that we used to have.
memories of you are still clear as the moonlight,
why could i still miss you after all this time?

yet it's clear that we are not meant to be,
though i still love you i do not want you anymore.
things would never work out between us.

our lives can't fit together and become one,
for you and i have differences we alone couldn't bridge.
there shall always be conflicts and reason to doubt,
between your family and mine.

for now i just swim with the tide,
in the hopes of chancing upon you once again,
and meeting me with open arms.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
great love

what great love is better than this?
i shall no longer know.
this love i have surpasses the universe,
and beyond heaven's gate.

what love is greater than what i have for him?
only God can tell,
for he is beyond man's judgement,
only answerable to God's righteousness.

what love is greater than what he has for me?
that barriers have to be so great?
for even if the walls of hate be as high as it may be,
only he and i remain.

what love is greater than this,
that is beyond sin itself?
a love so great and insurmounatable,
that even the devil cannot break through.

-------------------------------------------------------------
kissing a fool

i kissed someone today,
and it was so sweet.
it felt like eating cotton candy,
for his lips tastes so light and sweet.

i kissed someone today,
and it felt so right.
it felt like a pat on a shoulder,
for his lips seemed to make everything all right.

i kissed someone today,
and i felt reassured.
it felt like a mother's arms around me,
for his lips have given me security and comfort.

i kissed someone today,
and i feel so humiliated.
for while i was kissing him,
his eyes were wide open.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
no more

i don't wanna wait for you no more,
the tides of passion have ebbed and ceased to flow.
this time i've spent waiting for you is futile,
it is hopeless to expect anything from you no more.

i don't wanna wait for you no more,
for you don't seem to be interested in going on.
we wannot stay put in one place to keep our love going strong,
it's either we move on or we move out.

i don't wanna wait for you mo more,
i've placed my life on hold long enough for you.
you seem ungrateful for all the things i've done,
i've sacrificed a lot yet you seem to think it's not enough.

i don't wanna wait for you no more,
i've got a lot in store in my life and time on my side.
have your own life and live it while you can,
but i can no longer live it with you because i've had enough of you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
no other

there's no other who my heart seeks,
my heart still beats for him.
there's no other who my lips shall kiss,
my lips will continue to long for his kisses.

there's no other who my hands reach out for,
my hands would always want to hold his hands.
there's no other who my eyes want to see,
my eyes will continue to search for his familiar gaze.

there's no other who completes me,
my happiness will never be complete without him.
there's no other way for me to say,
how much i love him and want him by my side.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
remarkable

it's amazing how you can still say those sweet words to me,
when you are also saying them to someone else.
somehow you still can manage to make me fall for you all over again,
when at the same time wooing some other girl that you've met.

it's remarkable how you can still capture my attention,
they are undivided, my loyalty boundless.
even though i know you're gone with another girl,
my heart still pines for you and your oh so sweet kiss.

it's ironic that you can still make me believe all the things that you say,
even though i know they are lies.
my heart is blind to the deceptive game you play,
willing to become a pawn in your game.

it's terrible that you haven't grown a conscience,
with the way you've been going on through your life.
you cheat and deceive hearts, play on with fire,
break every innocent girl's heart...and my own too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
waterfall

i didn't cry no waterfall,
yes i didn't.
you broke my heart but i didn't cry no damn waterfall,
you were not worth it.

now i'm here and you're with someone else,
did i swear at the girl that you are with now?
no i didn't,
she is not worth my tears.

i didn't cry no waterfall,
cause you wanna know why?
i didn't love you that much anyway,
i was just blindly carried away by you.

i carry on with my life,
my life without you.
carry on with yours, there's no need for apology,
for you don't owe me one.

things happen for a reason.
and it may hard to see it at times,
but i knew it wasn't working out.
i was just waiting for you to tell me so.

don't think you've done me wrong,
you did what you have to do.
you went to look for someone better,
who am i to stop you from changing?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
shadows

shadows of you linger throughout my soul,
you have invaded my mind, flooded it with loving memories.
you have invaded my heart, and left no space for me to consider another.

your shadow keeps me in a deep hole,
holding me tight, and i cannot let go,
holding on to the promise that you made.

you made me believe the things that you say,
your promises haunting me even as i sleep,
and stalking me throughout the day.

i cry often at night,
mostly out of confusion and partly out of misery,
for i can't seem to keep still.

i have grown impatient,
and i am angry at you for abandoning me this way,
torn and confused.

you tell me to be strong,
but strong for what? for you?
so that you would keep on hurting me?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so much

so much tears,
so much pain,
so much hurt swelling up deep inside.

so much anger,
so much defiance,
so much emotions running amok.

there is so much inside,
and sometimes i just get awed,
at how much i could take,
and still have so much love to give.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
these days

these days i can't get you out of my mind,
you who evades me like a fugitive in hiding.
my mind can't get enough of thinking about you,
how your laughter ignites my desire for your pleasant company.

i recite a prayer that one day we will meet,
and you won't leave me again in the middle of nowhere.
my heart aches at the mere thought of you leaving me permanently,
though it manages well despite of your comings and goings
because it knows you will come back again.

will you come back, this i ask again and again,
and again and again and again.
will you come and make my heart flutter and soar once again?
will you come and kiss and hold me through the night again?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i loved you too late

i sit here amongst family and friends,
trying to enjoy this yuletide bliss.
i stand and posed for pictures here and there,
smiling my smile.
but nobody knows my heart aches inside.

nobody knows the secret pain i have inside,
the pain of missing you this christmas.
nobody knows the misery i feel,
the misery i feel too late.

why must i feel the pain of missing you
when it's all too late?
when i wonder where you are this christmas eve,
i try not to remember that you're already with some other girl.

i loved you too late
now i miss you too late as well.
had i held you so tight last christmas eve
i wouldn't feel this empty right now.
i wouldn't have realized that i love you so much.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
torn
(not a song!)

torn between the precepts of love and duty,
what must i do?
who shall i follow, my family or my heart?

shall i follow my heart,
and risk being stereotyped or even rejected?
deemed foolish by my judgemental family.

or shall i follow my family's wishes?
what they all consider as an empowered choice,
but a miserable one when my heart is concerned.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
true love

you are one true love of mine,
spawned from the friendship that we had,
from the understanding i have given to you.

i understand every aspect of you,
your past, and everything that goes along with it.
i guess from the moment that i met you,
i could feel your pain.

if only i could make miracles,
if only i could escape this mess i am in.
but i am trapped, useless and frustrated,
at this world i am in.

----------------------------------------------------------------
if i could get my way

if i could get my way,
i would choose you.
if only i am free,
i would choose to stay with you.

yet i am chained,
torn between deciding for my own happiness
and the happiness of other people.

if misery had a place,
it would be in my heart.
had i decide to follow the path others have thrown in my way,
and not follow my own heart.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

musings...

June 04, 2005

i love japan. i love its culture. i love its environment.
Most of all i love their toilets, no, not their squat to pee loos that mortified me on the first day, but their high-tech automatic flush toilets complete with flushing sound, automatic air freshener, and push button bidets and butt shower. it even warms the seat before you sit and do your thing.

The japanese really think of everything and puts in a lot of innovation to the most unexpected things, like toilets, for instance, i actually miss the high-tech toilets.

another innovation is their food ordering system. instead of waiters having to deal with a customer's orders, they have devised a way to automate it, and it works very much like a vending machine. you choose what you want to eat, pay, receive change and get a piece of paper containing your order for you to give to the waiter. it is a very convenient and fast way to order your food. no misunderstandings, well, maybe if the menu wasn't written in japanese....

the shinkansen is another innovation that awes me. it is promptly on schedule, fast as a speeding bullet (hence the name "bullet train"), that you're sure to arrive on your destination just by relying on the time it goes from one station to another. you always reach tokyo from kyoto in twenty minutes, no more or less, that is, unless a tourist gets her luggage stuck to the sliding door by accident on the way out of the traincar, and that commotion will thereby cause a delay. the shinkansen has a japanese toilet and a western toilet in every other traincar and is just as clean, too.

my sister and i envy the well-coiffed and beautiful japanese women. somehow they seem to have great hairdos everyday. they dress really neatly and fashionably and are very presentable. i easily felt out of place there, being a jeans and t-shirt no make-up kind of girl.

japan is the kind of first world country i don't mind the philippines turn into, that is, if we shift beyond the third world status we are in right now. most of the people are in japan are very clean and orderly, disciplined and courteous that i am constantly reminded at how much the opposite we are to them. their sense of control and order is if not seen at all, but rarely seen here in our country.

when will we get there?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Forbidden Apple

May 14, 2005

I've finally succumbed to the Apple's charms.
Aesthetically pleasing are its products that getting an Mac or an Ipod would actually enhance the ambience and the interior of one's room. eliable, though at first I was quite intimidated by it, being an avid PC user since grade school. My sister has her own ibook and I have been using it of late ever since i moved my PC over to our house in cavite. It's a breeze to work on and to use.

Now I am seriously thinking of buying a Mac. If I do decide to buy one, it'd take a year or two to buy, considering my current "allowance" that my father's company gives me for working as their employee. Of course there is an option that I could sell cookies again to quicken the earning process, and also shorten the long and agonizing wait for me. It would also be my first "big" buy using MY OWN MONEY, if ever it falls through. Such a big way to assert one's independence and will, if I do manage to pull it off.

I can't believe I am writing this. I am again coveting material things for the sake of achieving independence and stature in society. There's nothing wrong in buying it, as long as I won't beg my parents to pay for it. There's also nothing wrong in striving for something material, just as long as I don't lose focus on my true purpose. What is wrong is the feeling of power that I am anticipating of feeling once I do buy it. I'm iMagining myself sticking my tongue out to everyone my age and up who still asks money from their parents to buy whatever they want or need. Then there's also this issue of my unpaid credit card bills, if I consider buying my own Mac a big way to assert my independence, PAYING my bills would be the bigger way, definitely.

So once I come home from this tour of duty/pleasure in Japan, I will start on embarking on zero-ing my credit card bills. The rate I am going to, paying for everything would take me months. This would mean extreme sacrifices from buying things that I only like, not need. No more buying Havaiana shoes. No more buying books after reserving the upcoming Harry Potter book, which serves as my gift to myself, as the release date is the day before my birthday. Forget about refueling my comic book/graphic novel interest, I could read from my sister's boyfriend's collection anyway. The sooner I clear my credit card bills, the better so that I could start earning and slowly yielding to the allure and the functional beauty of the Mac.

This would be one long journey of self-denial. Many things could be learned from this experience.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

first post

May 13, 2005

i have long been waiting for this to happen:

friendster now has a blog feature!!!!!

so now i am debating on whether to give up my livejournal and move all of my posts here, or if i would just post a new blog and just start over. the former is time consuming--and i don't have the luxury of time, so the latter is an obvious choice.

however, my mind is empty of things to write. wait, to be precise, my mind has a lot of things in it right now that it's sort of had to string together a coherent post about something. it's been awhile since i last wrote something, work just seemed to get the better of my writing ability.

now i question if it still exist. i used to write a lot, and not just journal stuff. i write poems, stories, essays for a certain number of topics. i'd sort it out from my brain first, and think if there's a lot of me to expound on. time was not a factor, then, but now, with everything being so hectic and i just can't find a nook to pore over my thoughts and just write, it has become a very important factor. i scarcely have no time to sit down and think, and this is what you need in order to write something coherent and with flair. since i don't have the time, i don't have flair. since i don't have time to ponder endlessly over one thing, i can't explain something or write about it coherently. my thoughts are completely fleeting, sometimes fleeing. there's a feeling that says "i don't have time for this" or "one is not paid to do this", and this is the reason why i say my thoughts are running away from me.

i am now expected to think fast; think with an urgency because your life--rather your job depends on it. the mode of thinking that is expected requires making quick decisions and to analyze things fast, and move on quickly to the next issue on hand. my programming is slow as of now, and i tend to blank out and move away from it all, not that i am slow on taking things in, but i would rather think of things under my own speed, but the world does not adapt to your speed, doesn't it?

now that question got me thinking....

2005-12-25T18:21:00.000+08:00

reserved for livejournal posts